The Lord must know it takes me a long time to figure things out, because I started to have thoughts of homeschool when my first was only about 2 years old. My husband and I had talks about it, but nothing serious cause it seemed so far in the future. The promptings continued and were stronger and stronger. I knew I needed to pray and get my answer. It wasn't that hard to follow my answer to homeschool my oldest. He had not loved kindergarten and was excited to homeschool. Although I was nervous, I felt calm and at peace with it. My husband, at the time, was not necessarily for homeschool. He didn't feel he had gotten an answer either way, and gave me totally trust that I had received the answer to try it out.
Fast forward a few years and the promptings started again strong to pull my daughter out. She is special needs and had attended a school for that for 3 years and then had attended public school for 2 years. I was scared. Scared of the unknown, scared to mess up, scared of rejection. I was honestly scared whether I could teach her and give her the help she needed, So many worries and reasons I shouldn't would run through my head. I felt the devil on my shoulder was doing his best to shout as loud as he could all the reasons and insecurities I had. Was I patient enough? Was I smart enough? Would my children be okay socially? Would they fall behind? On and on...The biggest lie that I felt Satan was yelling at me was that somehow others would be better able to teach, help, and love her, and my other children, better than their own mother could?! I wrestled with this for a few months. When I came to the decision to homeschool her and told her SPED teacher my plan, what peace filled me. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. So many tears were shed but as I made my decision, I felt the Spirit strengthen me. This does not mean it has been easy. My insecurities still creep in, frustrations come and go, moments of wanting to throw in the towel with homeschool happen. But, as I humble myself and turn to the Lord for guidance and strength, He ALWAYS answers. Some come through a friend, a stranger, an Insta post. But most often as I take time to listen, to be still long enough to let the Spirit talk, I am given ideas and thoughts of what to do or not do. I have such a strong testimony that God has total faith in us to do HIs will. He has such faith in our abilities and will help us to recognize them and strengthen them as we turn to Him for help. "The home is the first and most effective place to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self control, the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and the privilege of life" David O McKay
This journey has been one of reaching and refining for me and my family. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had to have my children close, to teach them the good and the beautiful of all things. I am grateful for the me being reminded of all the good and beautiful. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who has trust in me to allow me to not only raise His children, but to teach them each day.